When you're out to dinner, does your BlackBerry
occupy a seat at the table? Does your spouse
ever check email before saying "good morning"
to the kids? Does your son sleep with his laptop?
It may be time for a technology cleanse.
Like an extreme diet that cuts out all processed
foods for a short period of time with the promise
of lasting good health, a technology cleanse
means you unplug for a short time with longer-
term benefits for your relationships.
But be warned: As with any other diet, it isn't
easy.
Diane Broadnax, a 50-year-old clinical trial
researcher from Mount Airy, Md., recently
became fed up with the way her family dispersed
to separate computers each evening. Anika, 4,
would watch "Dora the Explorer" on a laptop in
the kitchen, while Jasmine, 12, would play with
her virtual pets online. Ms. Broadnax's husband,
Lonnie Broadnax, 50, went to his home office to
watch a sci-fi DVD, and she would make dinner —
while checking her email. Many nights, each
person would eat in front of his or her respective
screen. "Days were going by and we weren't
talking," Ms. Broadnax says.
So one evening last November, she gave her
family some news. For one week, they would
forgo all computerized entertainment —personal
email, texting, Facebook, DVDs and online videos
(they don't have a regular TV). Computers and
devices would be used only for work and
homework. Horrified, her 12-year-old said it was
no different than being grounded.
Ms. Broadnax persevered: The next night she
made her family's favorite dinner (chicken and
rice) and set the table with candles. But when
everyone sat down to eat, the conversation was
stilted. The girls gave one-word answers to their
parents' questions. Even the adults felt ill at ease.
"I didn't know what to say, so some stuff came
out really awkward," Jasmine recalls. "We all
thought, 'We are sitting at the table like we're
supposed to, but now what do we do?' " Mr.
Broadnax, a Web designer, says. The meal was
so uncomfortable that the family skipped the
molten chocolate cake Ms. Broadnax made for
dessert. Afterward, Mr. Broadnax read a book.
Jasmine went to her room. Anika played with
toys in the kitchen while her mom cleaned up
and made a few work phone calls.
For all our constant connectivity, our electronic
devices often keep us apart. Texting causes
misunderstandings. Facebook makes us jealous.
Television makes us too lazy or tired or distracted
for sex. (Don't believe me? A few years ago, an
Italian study showed that couples who have a TV
in the bedroom have sex half as often as those
who do not.)
Some therapists prescribe tech cleanses for
clients. Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill, a Mount Kisco,
N.Y., marriage and family therapist, says
technology is a distraction from family —and hard
to resist because it's portable and provides instant
gratification. It's also an easy escape if we're
having trouble in a relationship. "Technology
should be on the list of the top reasons why
people divorce, along with money, sex and
parenting," she says. She has seen couples who
communicate almost entirely through text, email
and phone messages. "There has to be some
time in the week when you are all together and
you shut off the technology," she says.
Last year, a group of Jewish artists and media
professionals created the Sabbath Manifesto, a list
of 10 principles to be followed one day a week in
order to unwind. High on the list: "Avoid
Technology." The group has declared a National
Day of Unplugging, from sundown on Friday,
March 4, until sundown on Saturday, March 5.
Even the Dunphys, on hit TV sitcom "Modern
Family," tried to go a week tech-free.
In "The Winter of Our Disconnect," a book
coming out later this month, author Susan
Maushart describes the technology fast she
undertook with her three teenagers. Ms. Maushart
says she was so attached to her iPhone that she
slept with it under her pillow and started buying it
"little outfits and jewelry." Her then-15-year-old
son was addicted to videogames, and her 14-
and 18-year-old daughters were consumed by
social media.
"It got to the point where we would inhabit the
same room, but we weren't connecting," says
Ms. Maushart, 52, of Mattituck, N.Y.
For six months while living in Australia in 2009,
she and her children unplugged everything with a
screen. For entertainment, they went to the
movies, ate family meals, played board games
and read the newspaper on Saturday mornings.
Her son rediscovered his saxophone. Her
daughters began cooking and wrote a novel
together.
To ensure her kids' participation, Ms. Maushart
promised each a portion of her book proceeds.
Her 14-year-old tired of the technology freeze and
moved in with her father for six weeks (she
eventually moved back). The trial was worth it.
"We appreciate each other more," says Ms.
Maushart.
Interested in a tech cleanse? Here are some tips
from people who have learned from experience.
Give your family advance warning. They need
time to prepare mentally.
Clarify your goal: Be careful not to swap
technology use for some other isolating activity.
Wean yourself off gadgets gradually. Maybe a
week —or even just one day—is too long to go
unconnected at first.
Start when your kids are young. Rob and Lauren
Webster tried a tech fast last year after realizing
how often they plopped their kids, ages 1 and 2,
in front of cartoons to keep them quiet. "I really
don't want to screw up my kids," says Mr.
Webster, 39, director of video production at a
church in Leawood, Kan. When they unplugged
and took the children to the park, "we found
ourselves constantly engaged with our kids and
with each other," he says.
Be clear on the rules. Will calls and emails for
work be allowed? What about going online for
homework? What are the consequences for
cheating?
Let technology help you disconnect. Use
Facebook, Twitter or email to tell friends and
family that you will be offline. Have emails sent to
your inbox in batches.
Make the bedroom a media-free zone.
When the cleanse is done, learn to avoid the
time-suck of letting one Internet search lead to
another and another. You can waste hours.
Allow only one screen at a time. Give the TV, for
example, your full attention, rather than also
looking at your computer and iPhone.
The Broadnax family extended their tech cleanse
for five days. Then one evening, Ms. Broadnax
came home from work and found her husband
and two daughters playing a trivia game, moving
pieces around a game board and reading
questions off the computer screen. All three were
laughing. "Here was an almost perfect solution,"
says Ms. Broadnax. "It was family interaction with
technology. The screen was there, but it wasn't
the focal point."
Source: Http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703779704576073801833991620.html
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